thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
