im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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