dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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