This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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