I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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