im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
