Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
