Whod you bang
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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