I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
