yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
