Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He passed out mid-signature
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
