Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
