I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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