So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
