i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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