SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
