Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
