I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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