At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
