4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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