I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
