I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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