And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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