You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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