Sry I called you an 8
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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