So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We're too hungover to prance.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
