If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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