i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
