Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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