The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
