the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
