Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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