Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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