If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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