I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
