sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
