Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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