Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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