Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
