All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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