Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
