So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
