The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
