Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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