one two three fourrrrnication!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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