So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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