I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
