I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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