I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
