You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
