ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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