sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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