I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
